Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
