my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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