I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
