I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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