We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
