the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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