I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Randomize
