Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
too bad you live with your parents still
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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