Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
