You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
North Korea, Best Korea!
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
