He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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