another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
