she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Text me some of your sweat
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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