is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
