They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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