you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
