Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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