her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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