Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
