The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
