I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
