can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
