Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
