Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
