I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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