you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
