I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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