Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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