Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
