Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
