Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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