At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
