i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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