I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
