i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
