Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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