I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
