they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
