I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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