3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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