I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
