we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
