i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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