All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
