At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
