God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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