I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
