i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
