So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
