A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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