we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
