there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize