so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
