I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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