Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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