I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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