This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize