A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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