you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
