when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
