Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
