i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
