drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
