I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
