he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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