I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
