garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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