My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
