I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
