first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
