That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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