ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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