Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
