You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
In America we eat man semen.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
