I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
