Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
