My nipple is on Facebook.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
