When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize