I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
