We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
