so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
