are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
