Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize