Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
