well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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