I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
