I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
