2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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