did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
