And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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