You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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