thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
