if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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