she's into porn, im staying here tonight
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
