I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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