I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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