Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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