What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
