remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
