This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
