i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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