I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
