I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
