I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
